today i was smacked in the face with the reality that life can appear incredibly easy when i ignore it. as it is, i have been ignoring reality my entire life. the happiness syndrome, only embracing positively, turns out to be a recipe for steep walls constructed around my heart in such fashion that nothing but the grace of god can break through. and that’s exactly where i am.
this is war. my soul is under attack, not only by the world, but by the enemy and even my own flesh. a three-way attack. my defenses are down and i’m ignoring the damage in my heart. but it turns out that ignoring the battle doesn’t make it go away- it only preserves the pain. eesh. so here i am, fully ambushed, somehow still refusing to give my burdens to the lord. that is where my pain lives- in my futile attempts at self-preservation within my own means. but there is a strength made perfect in weakness. there is a god who lives in me combatting these forces. i’m never alone. ever. never ever.
okay god. here. we. go.
proverbs 3:5- always